Home tomorrow :)

I've just finished reading The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. It's an odd book in that nothing really happens in the story, yet you still stay captivated by it all thesame. It's translated from French and The Guardian describes it as "essentially a crash course in philosophy interwoven with a platonic love story" which is a fair description. I liked it, but find this curious because it's not the kindof thing i go for - it's quite pretentious, completely obsessed with classism (but maybe that's cos its characters are mainly Paris' bourgeoisie), it throws the term "anorexic" around lightly (as though referring to something cultural, like a style or look, as opposed to a deadly psychiatric illness..), and nothing actually happens. If i'm honest, part of the reason i was drawn to the book was its weird title and its cover (i love illustrated book covers - i'm in aesthetic bliss if i walk into a Waterstones).

I've now got the new LiveJournal Messenger. My Windows Live ID is leslie184@livejournal.com. Sign up now and we can chat!

renaissance2010
Turning to photography as a creative outlet during a valiant fight with breast cancer at age 34, renaissance10 survived and set up a photo contest to help raise funds for the Lavender Trust, a nonprofit that provides information and support to younger women with breast cancer. In the first two years, the competition brought in over £65,000 (that's $107,260.73 U.S.!), with entries from 130 countries last year. Renaissance10 recently joined LiveJournal to meet other passionate photographers and find supportive friends.

curiouscupcakes
Holy buttercream frosting! If you have a sweet tooth for sugary goodness or a wandering eye for whimsical confection, this is pure ecstasy iced in deliciousness. Hailing the beloved cupcake as the artisinal canvas of choice, you'll enjoy recipes, photos, and bountiful tips to bake up a batch, whether your taste leans toward French classics or funky and flavorful.

mission101
With New Years in the offing, it's an ideal time to reflect on past accomplishments, make peace with disappointments, and refocus the lens on future goals. This community welcomes you to create a bucket list of 101 things you plan to accomplish in the next 1,001 days. Offering support, guidance, and inspiration, this is a great way to jumpstart those pesky resolutions.

I have a question.
I cook veggie soup (vegetables in veggie broth), but sometimes I don't have the time to stop and make the soup (or the money to run to the store and stock up on more vegetables)... so sometimes I just have hot veggie broth as my meal.

Am I still getting good nutrition from the broth?
(I know "not as greatly as if you ate the vegetables") but it's better than replacing my veggie soup with junkfood.

So, in your opinion is drinking the veggie broth as a replacement ok?

Individuals with anorexia are either born oversensitive toward serotonin (5-HT) or become that way after dieting. Biochemically, we have too many copies of one receptor for serotonin (5HT1A) and not enough of another receptor (5HT2A).



At the same time, we have too much serotonin hovering about the synapses of nerve cells. That causes bad mood, poor judgment (i.e. about self-care) and an irrational terror of trying new things (for fear of harm or paying consequences.



By dieting, we decrease the serotonin stores near the synapses because certain foods contain a chemical – known as tryptophan—which the body uses to make serotonin. Less tryptophan-containing foods in the gut, less serotonin 5HT in the brain. Therefore, dieting boosts mood. But only in the short term.



Brain cells compensate for decreased serotonin by making more 5HT1A receptors. That causes mood to turn dark again, and so we starve to try to lighten it. The brain makes more receptors and so on in a downward cycle.



At the same time, continued starvation also depletes levels of a stress hormone, known as CRH, and endorphins which give that feeling of “high.”(Think exercise, which increases endorphins.) Again, mood worsens, and we diet more to try and feel better. And so the cycle of dieting, weight loss and mood swings turn viscous.




Forced-eating feels horrid to a person with anorexia because it ups the levels of serotonin, and does so at a time when we already have too many receptors for the neurotransmitter. Too much serotonin and too many receptors mean an intensely bad mood. Thus, forced eating, at first, feels like hell…until the brain cells and their receptors adjust to the heightened levels of serotonin and balance again.




All this means, that eating in recovery may be hard, but absolutely necessary to set the brain right. The sooner the better, because long term problems with this circuit can become irreversible. Bottom line, if you are in recovery from anorexia and suffering, it will feel better, eventually.




Another key point, Kaye also showed that people with anorexia don’t feel reward (about food, for example) in the moment. Instead, we plan to the future, analyze and think mainly of long term consequences (i.e. if I eat this cake now, I will feel terrible tomorrow). Biochemically, our dopamine systems are out of whack as measured by an imbalance in dopamine receptors D2/D3.




In the short term, it might be possible to use that alteration as an asset in recovery. If you can see a “long term consequence” as a better life that involves pleasure, then you can aim for that strategically, while you are getting through the bad mood phase, which may take months or years to complete. Another way to say it is that if you driven to diet, like I am, you can drive yourself to recovery with equal ambition. The other hope is that all this brain work by scientists will lead toward drugs that target the faulty receptors and help us achieve balance in the short and longer term.




Thanks to Dr. Kaye for all this work. It helps to know it’s not all “in our heads.”

Well, christmas.

Christmas is so very good at being lovely for some, but such a horrible time for others. I guess the pressure for you to enjoy yourself and spend time with family really highlights if you don't have the ability to do these things. It's cruelly double-sided. I phoned home today to speak to the 4 left there. It's not right that teenagers should be alone for christmas day. They've found it tough - lots of tears and arguments, and one had her boyfriend visit specifically to dump her. Phoned best-friend-at-home who's in his little flat alone today. He sounded bored, and unsurprisingly rather sad.   
I feel very lucky really.

I find Christmas particularly odd this year. It's been odd the past few years because i've wanted so much (my mum, love, an end to my mental turmoil, etc) but cannot receive those, but then can be lavished with material gifts. And this year it's similar, but i'm lacking materially/financially a little this time. A few days ago i was digging into my savings to buy simple groceries like Asda Value baked beans ... and then today i'm just swimming in luxurious food, sipping pink champagne, and have a massive pile of presents. When i return to Lincoln the only cash i will have with me will be christmas money from my aunts, which i'm sure they imagine me buying something nice with, like some new shoes, but that will have to go straight out for the £26 rent i owe and stocking up on food, toilet roll, etc. It's a strange parallel - here lavishing in middleclass excess, and then going home to my financial self-sufficiency (if you can call benefit-scrounging that...but what i mean is financial independence from my family) where my housemates are so skint that the newsagent took pity on them and gave them some groceries for free.
And then it makes me think that lots of things about christmas and our society as a whole... they're just all wrong somehow.

This place is heavy with memories and old emotions. It's quite stifling actually. It feels like i'm suffocating.
I'm thinking about getting rid of a lot of my belongings. Empty my room so much that it's blank and unrecognisable. A lot of my new friends are poor so they have very little in the way of material possessions, and they sell whatever they can (mainly to buy drugs, but nvmd), and it's made me question whether i really need a lot of my stuff.

I am incredibly tired and physically depressed. I expect it's mainly due to my mental state. It's quite annoying.

I feel horrible feeling homesick for Lincoln and wanting to get home asap. I know Emmy is somewhat offended by my suggestion that here isn't home for me anymore. I should want to spend time with my family, and i do, but it's hard. The people round here too - it must be a middleclass thing - being wrapped up in trivial stuff, not talking about anything important. It makes you feel more alienated in a way. And it's not like my family is that bad in that way either - not that wrapped up in bullshit - so i should be glad. I guess it's a bit of a backward culture-shock because i'm back in this environment again, after spending time around people who have nothing, and address life in a whole different way.
I don't even know if i'm making sense. Ah well.

Holiday debuggery

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Photos of the week

We're back with more dazzling pictures from around the world. Congrats to marlenemcc, who has been awarded a virtual blue ribbon as the winner of our fourth photo contest. We hope you'll click over to LJ_Photophile poll and tell us your picks in pics!

For more fantastic user content, we'll meet you under the cut. ( Read more... )

Curtains

Thanks, again, for reading. Here's wishing you the very merriest of holidays. We'll see you next year!

Fluff has a new game where he hides in silly places... I'm at dads now. I'm homesick. I miss Fluff and my at-home friends and the house (even though it's a messy damp/mould-ridden crumbling fag-smelling wreck) and how there's no mirrors there and Lincoln and everything.

i_hope_that
For many of us, the holidays can be kind of rough. If you're searching for a network of understanding friends, this ultra-nurturing community encourages you to express your heartfelt wishes and offer other members encouragement and acceptance. Not for the terminally snarky or emotionally-challenged, this is a good-spirited place to lend comfort and support.

diygifts
Feeling crafty? If you've got a few last folks on your holiday gift list, this is a great place to seed your creativity and generosity. You'll also discover wonderful DIY tips to decorate your home and entertain guests. Offering a no-frills-no-skills attitude that welcomes the cash-challenged and arts-phobic, you're sure to get ideas and make friends in the process.

cooking_club
A fun and friendly community dedicated to those who love to cook, whether you're a meat-and-potatoes type, an aspiring gourmand, and/or a vegan. In search of a brilliant dish to use up those weekly leftovers? Post your ingredients and you'll be whipping up a feast by dinner. You can also share favorite recipes. For Type A chefs, you can spice up your culinary repertoire with exciting cooking challenges.

Am feeling some semblance of peace within myself. Like maybe i've shuffled a tiny bit in the right direction. This weekend has been nice. It's been very cold and has snowed (this is a Big Deal). I've hung out with Simon. We did a little xmas shopping, went up the hill to the cathedral and farmers market, hung out with my housemates, went on a late night mcdonalds trip and befriended some drunks, had Wetherspoons christmas lunch, had snowball fights, Simon burnt his eyelashes off (whilst attempting to burn his nasal hairs..!? Odd), we all exchanged xmas presents. I ate ostrich. Less than 2 days til dad collects me. It will be nice to be at dads for a few days: our house is damp and mould so we're all constantly unwell so it will be nice to have a break from that. And will be nice to have my food bought and cooked for me too.     My housemate gave me a USB glitter lamp as one of my xmas presents. I'm overly captivated watching the sparkles moving across my desk and curtains..

I am starting tomorrow. Anyone else near the beginn? I would love support & suggestions.